Ardent Expectations

"Her heart - like every heart, if only its fallen sides were cleared away - was an inexhaustible fountain of love: she loved everything she saw. " - George MacDonald

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Dreads by before I’m thirty.

Ardent Expectations for 2014

1.       Finish BA by July 2014
2.       Lose 44 pounds with healthy diet and steady workout routine
3.       Save $1k
4.       Get inked
5.       Empty closets and storage, clean and organize house
6.       Find work satisfaction
7.       Find bible study
8.       Check 1-3 things off bucket list
9.       Learn to be elegant, professional; worthy of dignity and respect
10.   Invest in healthy relationships
11.   Set up regular date times with Susan
12.   Learn to play Magic


I so desperately want to share myself with someone. Wholly & unafraid. Yet I am so broken & scared of being left, of being taken, that I have built around myself a plexiglass wall. I see you there, and I want you. Yet I will not let myself get close enough to touch. Instead I throw myself up against the pane again and again; bruising and breaking myself. Instead of taking down the wall, I disfigure myself with fear. I sabotage myself with doubt. Trapped by my own doing. Please save me from myself.

She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.

Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell (via aurelle)

(Source: franstar, via laurennicolelove)